I have been reflecting recently on the last 6 months (where did they go?!) and the change in certain elements of my life. Overall things feel better; less stressful, less overwhelming and more like things are falling into place. What ‘things’ falling exactly into ‘which’ place still isn’t completely clear but even so I feel more at ease than the start of the year when I felt very frustrated. It was around then that I realised I had two choices; carry on as as I was and probably drive myself a bit mad or step back for a minute and think… I asked myself what would this feel like as a topic for ‘coaching’, what questions did I need to ask myself to shift my perspective and move forward? What changes can I make to relieve the pressure I currently felt?
Fundamentally nothing has shifted in terms of day job, home life etc, there have been some changes but nothing that came as a shock or surprise so I wanted to understand the different choices I must be making to filter out the sense of frustration….
…..I have been working at ‘letting go’ of the things I am not able to change and it has been making a huge difference. I started with 2 areas – situations that I feel passionate about and believe could be different but are not within my current circle of influence and also things that I no longer need to attach the same importance too. Of course this is easier said than done!
This has been a multi step process;
- identifying which elements are a source of frustration/ no longer relevant to my path or fit with my values and outlook on life and may be be holding me back
- considering the impact of ‘letting go’ versus not doing, ask who am I really letting down if I can’t make some of these changes and are my expectations of myself kind and realistic?
- allowing myself to ‘let go’ and accept the change that follows without being consumed by the ‘what if’s’ and not labelling any this as ‘failure’
- looking at my responsibility and realising that, although I have a tendency to want to ‘make right’, it isn’t always my responsibility, that other people also have this on their radar and I can ‘let go’ and focus the energy where I can make a difference and positive impact.
The most helpful step I have taken has been tuning into my thoughts when working through the above steps, from this I realised that the word ‘should’ appeared frequently within my internal dialogue. If I am doing something because I feel I ‘should’ or ‘have to’ then I have tried to re-evaluate, and where possible consciously swapping ‘have to’ with ‘choose to’ has been helpful.
Some elements I haven’t been able to physically ‘let go’ of or just decide to stop doing, particularly at work, so it has been a case of accepting the changes I can make, not feeling guilty or like I have ‘failed’ in scenarios where I am not the ultimate decision maker and therefore allow myself to mentally ‘let go’ and accept things as they are.
I would love hear how easy/ hard you find ‘letting go’ and any additional thoughts or comments you might have or like share….